


An Age-Old Dispute

by BeanieBaby



Series: Senator Obi-Wan AU [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin has a crush, Anakin tries to sneak into Senator Kenobi's apartment, Anakin's many failed attempts to woo Obi-Wan, Clone command chat log, Commander Fox and Anakin's feud, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, M/M, Pre-Slash, Rex is so done, Senator Obi-Wan Kenobi, and fails, being his therapist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeanieBaby/pseuds/BeanieBaby
Summary: Rex’s general frequently visited the clone commander barracks to vent and complain.According to Anakin, he had a lot of feelings and opinions.
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & CC-3636 | Wolffe, CC-1010 | Fox & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Senator Obi-Wan AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785886
Comments: 163
Kudos: 1132





	1. Rex

Rex opened the door to the command barracks, one eye still crusted shut with sleep, to find his general standing on the other side, cheeks bulging as he fumed.

“Close the kriffing door, Rex,” Cody’s voice muttered from his bunk, “you’re letting all that nice cold air out.”

“I hate Fox so much,” Anakin declared, elbowing his way inside. Ponds lifted his head from his pillow and squinted down at their intruder. He let out a long-suffering groan when he recognized who it was. Rex’s general frequently visited the clone commander barracks to vent and complain.

According to Anakin, he had a lot of feelings and opinions.

No fucking kidding.

He usually brought pretty decent alcohol and food, so Rex didn’t downright refuse all the time. But that didn’t mean he was actively encouraging Anakin to turn these little impromptu visits into fixed office hours. Rex wasn’t paid enough to deal with the chaos that was Anakin Skywalker off-duty.

“Who’s it?” Marshal commander Bacara, who was on a rare shore leave, slurred sleepily from his position facedown on Bly’s bed. The 327th's commander was off-planet, and had generously lent his quarters to their fellow brother.

“A never-ending nightmare,” Wolffe mumbled in Mando’a from the bunk above him.

“You do know I’m nearly fluent in Mando now right?” Anakin huffed, coming to a stop in the middle of their shared sleeping space.

“So Rex keeps saying,” Wolffe said, giving zero fucks.

Gree was still snoring softly in the back, oblivious to the disruption. Rex truly envied him. Heavy sleepers were rare in their line of work and Gree had mastered it to perfection. He scratched the side of his head and glanced at Anakin, who had sat his ass down on Rex’s cot without even asking for permission.

“Sir, it’s late…” He pointed out, stifling a yawn in his elbow. If he didn’t get Anakin out of here, the commanders might finally get sick of Rex and make him move back to his actual designated captain quarters. Technically, he was occupying Alpha-17’s spot since he’d permanently returned to Kamino to become an ARC-command instructor. It wasn’t that Rex disliked the captain’s barracks, it was just that the commanders had better showers.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Anakin sighed, burying his face in his hands. “But why does Commander Fox hate me so much?”

Wolffe snorted loudly at the question.

“Didn’t you just say you hated _him?”_ Rex asked, dropping down to sit next to his Jedi general.

“He won’t let me in to see Obi-Wan,” Anakin complained.

“At this hour?” Bacara spoke up, “I wouldn’t either.”

A soft ripple of laughter swept through their room. Anakin pouted at the lack of support. Honestly though, Rex had to agree with Fox’s decision on this one. His general was an impulsive hormonal mess under the light of day. There was probably no bounds to his potential depravity in the dark of night. Best to keep him out of the senator’s private quarters just to be safe.

“Why did you need to see him?” Ponds asked curiously. "Is it an emergency?"

“Wait, who’s Obi-Wan again?” Bacara asked.

“The hot Naboo senator with the fancy clothes that Fox is super protective of. It’s all in the command chat,” Cody supplied, “keep up, Bacara.”

“Are we fighting the same war? Why do you guys even have time to gossip?”

“We always have time for constructive conversation,” Ponds bullshitted with a straight face, “we’re doing it now. It’s good for team-building.”

Rex crawled over Anakin and laid down. If they could entertain his needy general for a few hours, Rex could theoretically catch up on some much deserved shut-eye. Skywalker seemed to take this move as an invitation to lay down next to Rex, because he kicked off his boots and did just that. Rex groaned internally and screwed his eyes shut. Wolffe was right about him being a never-ending nightmare.

“Why doesn’t he like me?” Anakin wondered out loud, folding his hands across his stomach, “I mean, he likes the other Jedi masters.”

“Fox doesn’t like any of the Jedi,” Wolffe said pointedly.

Anakin scowled. “I’m talking about Obi-Wan.”

“Oh, I know,” The 104th’s commander smirked, leaning over the edge of his bed and meeting Bacara’s amused gaze. “I’m just messing with you, General Skywalker.”

The marshal commander laughed and reached out a heavily-tattooed arm to fist-bump Wolffe.

“Apologies, general,” Rex muttered, shifting a little to put some room between them, “Commander Wolffe’s less of an asshole when he’s properly awake.”

“I disagree,” Cody replied, grunting when Wolffe lobbed something at his head from across the room.

“You’re asking us for relationship advice, sir?” Ponds lifted an eyebrow from where he was watching them from the safety of his bunk, “we’ve only technically been alive for twelve or thirteen years, and most of that time we spent in a training facility on Kamino.”

“Also, Ponds works with High General Windu, so you might want to tone down on the blatant Jedi Code violations,” Rex leaned in and hissed in Anakin’s ear, “friendly reminder, sir, we’re not actual trained therapists.”

Gree let out a long luxurious snore. Oh, how Rex wanted to be him right now.

“Wait, doesn’t Cody have like three hundred husbands?” Anakin asked, elbowing Rex, “Master Jinn said he got married to a bunch of hot amazonian men on their last trip to the Unknown Regions with part of the 327th—”

Cody said something vulgar in Mando’a. Wolffe smothered a bark of laughter into his pillow. Gree slept on, blissfully unaware.

“Man, I really need to keep an eye on that command chat,” Bacara muttered, rubbing at his tired face.

“Yeah, you know what, General Skywalker,” Cody said, leaning over his bunk to glare at the Jedi reclining in Rex’s bed, “if one day Senator Kenobi tries to tie you down on an alter and fuck you in the ass under a full-moon, come find me.”

“Isn’t that exactly what he wants?” Wolffe pointed out.

“Guys,” Rex sighed, giving up. He turned to Anakin, “look, sir. I may not see eye-to-eye with Commander Fox, but he’s not unreasonable. Just go visit the senator at an appropriate time after you’ve scheduled an appointment.”

“So what you’re saying is, go and try to reason with him now.”

“That’s not what I—” Then Rex realized that this was the perfect opportunity to politely kick Skywalker out and finally get back to sleep. “You know what, third time’s the charm, general. Be sure to smile. No one can resist those baby blues.”

“Wish me luck,” Anakin said, jumping to his feet, eyes shining with renewed determination.

“Godspeed, sir,” Bacara muttered, throwing a sloppy salute in the Jedi's general vicinity with his eyes closed.

Rex sighed happily as the doors to their barracks clicked shut. He was finally going to get some sweet uninterrupted sleep.

Too bad the Universe had other plans.

* * *

**[CC-Command_Communications_Log]**

CC-2224 (Cody): Fox, you there?

CC-1010 (Admin): What?

CC-2224 (Cody): Did you let Skywalker in?

CC-1010 (Admin): Not a chance.

CC-2224 (Cody): Where is he now?

CC-1010 (Admin): Trying and failing to sneak in undetected.

CT-7567 (Rex): Fox, I hope you know that you’re responsible for Skywalker’s death if he falls while scaling up the senator’s apartment.

CC-1010 (Admin): How did you get into the commander's chat again, captain?

**_CC-1010 (Admin) has removed CT-7567 (Rex) from the group._ **

**_CC-3636 (Admin) has added CT-7567 (Rex) to the group._ **

CC-1010 (Admin): Hold up. Who gave you administrator status, Wolffe?

CC-3636 (Admin): You did. After I got you shit-faced last week and stole your wrist comm.

 ** [ ** ** SYSTEM_UPDATE ** **] : CC-3636 (Admin) has changed CC-1010 (Admin) to CC-1010 (Foxy Mama) and modified ADMIN-status to MEMBER.**

CC-3636 (Admin): I’m the supreme overlord now, Fox. Bow down to me, you bureaucratic robot man.

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Stay where you are, CC-3636. I’m coming to arrest you.

CC-3636 (Admin): You can try. But who’s gonna keep the senator safe from Rex’s horny Jedi????

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Wow. He really is climbing the side of the building right now.

**_CC-1010 (Foxy Mama) has uploaded HUD_Recording_34._ **

CT-7567 (Rex): Prayer circle for Anakin.

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): I am very tempted to just shoot him down from here but I think gravity has similar plans for your general.

CC-2224 (Cody): RIP General Skywalker. I hope you die a quick and painless death.

CC-3636 (Admin): Doesn’t the 500 Republica's outside coating get super hot in the night time now to dissuade assassins from doing exactly what he’s doing?

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Yes. The Chancellor approved it during the last batch of security upgrades. 

**_CC-1010 (Foxy Mama) has uploaded HUD_Recording_35._ **

CT-7567 (Rex): Oh gods. It happened.

CC-1138 (Bacara): Hope he’s at least wearing a codpiece. That’s a lot of friction and a long slide down.

CT-7567 (Rex): Flip on your other side, you stupid dumbass!

CC-3636 (Admin): You know he can’t hear your advice in our chat group right? That's a recording of him falling.

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): I’ve dispatched Thorn and Stone to retrieve the corpse.

CC-5052 (Bly): What’s going on? Who died?

CC-1138 (Bacara): Rex’s Jedi slid down the side of the Republica building on his dick.

CC-5052 (Bly): Ouch.

CC-3636 (Admin): Fox, which medbay should Rex go to for a viewing of the body?

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Coruscant detention center, Senate Division. Ground floor.

CT-7567 (Rex): Seriously?

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Yes. Bring republic credits if you don't want him locked up overnight. He’s being charged with intentional trespass and lewd behavior.

CT-7567 (Rex): Wait, why lewd behavior?

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): He ripped his pants on the way down and flashed his junk at a whole bunch of senators. There was a dinner party on the 156th floor.

CT-411 (Ponds): That’s evil. Poor Skywalker.

CC-2224 (Cody): Fox, are you secretly a Sith Lord?

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): If I were, this war would have ended a long time ago.

CC-3636 (Admin): True that. He’s efficient af.

CT-7567 (Rex): Fuck my life.

CC-2224 (Cody): Yeah, we’re kicking you and your annoying Jedi side piece out of the commander barracks.


	2. Rex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The planet they crashed down on was blistering hot.

The planet they crashed down on was blistering hot. It had been a particularly rocky landing after one of their ship’s trusters went out mid-air. Anakin managed to wedge the ship on a soft sandy dune on the edge of a vast desert, which was a smart idea because the impact had not done much damage. His following idea was not so bright.

“Sir, with all due respect, there’s zero chances of you fixing that engine,” Cody called out to him from the shade beneath the tree that his general had decided to squat in. This was all the 212th’s fault, Rex thought, annoyed and sweating like a skewered pig in a roasting pit. They just _had_ to veer off-course for that rare plant sample.

Most of Torrent Company, including their general, had stripped off their armor in the unrelenting heat. Anakin was bare-chested, beads of sweat glistening on the tanned skin of his back as he ducked in to squint at the gently smoking machinery. Rex had stubbornly kept his regulation top on. Sure, he was probably going to die of a heatstroke soon, but there really was no reason to be showing so much sk—

“Sir, like this?” Fives asked, bare biceps straining as he turned one of the screws under Anakin’s instruction.

“Yeah,” Their Jedi grunted, holding out a hand, “Hardcase, you got the other piece?”

“Yup,” Hardcase passed it over, the corded muscle rippling beneath his dark skin.

“You guys look like strippers,” Waxer called out helpfully from the shade. A few members of the 212th wolf-whistled and Cody laughed when Rex halfheartedly threw a clumpy ball of dry sand at them.

“We all look exactly the same,” Tup pointed out, rolling his eyes.

“How have they not passed out from the heat yet?” Echo leaned in and whispered suspiciously in Rex’s ear. He had been wondering about that, too. Cody was fanning his damp face with a large brown leaf he’d picked off of the ground, but he was still decked out in armor from the neck down. A few of the men in the back even had their buckets on. Sure they were sitting out of direct sunlight, but what real difference did that make when the entire planet was sweltering hot.

“That’s frivolous use of the Force, Master Qui-Gon,” Anakin accused, glaring up into the branches of the tree where the older Jedi master was lounging. Skywalker had borrowed a hairband from Tup and gathered the longer bits of his hair into a small sloppy ponytail on the top of his head.

It was kind of cute, if Rex were to be honest. Made his general’s outside appearance finally match the whiny twelve-year-old girl inside.

“I have lost you to Mace Windu,” Jinn murmured sadly, "where is the adventurous little boy that used to lick everything in sight?”

“He had six near-death experiences in one year and wisely decided to kick that habit, Master,” Anakin snorted, moping at his sweaty brow with the bit of cloth he’d stuffed in his belt. “I’m still not sure whether or not you were actively trying to kill me.”

“He wasn't,” Cody answered for Qui-Gon, “it’s our general’s way of showing his love.” He and Jinn exchanged a look, fond on the Jedi’s end and Cody looking a little exasperated. “Honestly, sir, I kinda wish you didn’t love us so much. We probably stand a better chance of survival if you didn’t.”

Most of the 212th laughed at that.

“Anakin, I believe your loyal captain is about to pass out from the heat. Perhaps he should join us in the shade,” Jinn beckoned at Rex with a small smile. The shade did look pretty inviting. He looked to his general for approval. Anakin shrugged and waved him off. Rex sighed in silent relief and trudged over to Cody.

The shift in temperature was almost immediate, the searing dry heat mellowing to something so much more bearable as he collapsed onto his ass next to the marshal commander. Cody winked at him and slipped his bucket back on, toggling with something on his HUD.

“So, I hear Anakin has been up to all sort of trouble in the city,” Jinn’s mild voice said. Rex squinted up into the tree at Skywalker’s teacher/father figure.

“Uh, what do you mean, sir?” He asked. His wrist comm buzzed, but Rex didn’t pay it any attention.

“A few senators swore they saw the Chosen One slide down the outside of their apartment window,” Qui-Gon murmured, his long hair billowing gently in the wind, “of course, it was quite dark out and they were a couple of drinks in.”

“Maybe a mass hallucination?” Rex laughed nervously. Cody snorted in a very unbecoming way next to him. He elbowed Rex and gestured at his wrist comm.

“What?” Rex glanced down. Messages were rolling in like crazy.

**[ ALERT]: CC-1010 (Foxy Mama) has flagged HUD_Recording_218 for inappropriate content.**

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Cease your uploads immediately, CC-2224.

What inappropriate content? Rex scrolled up through the history and spotted the flagged HUD recording. From the details of the send receipt, it had been uploaded by Cody just a few minutes ago. He clicked on it and felt his blood pressure take on a similar trajectory as Commander Fox’s did on an hourly basis.

It was a video of Anakin, Fives, and Hardcase fixing their engine. Only, Cody had opted for one of the HUD filter cams that solely tracked live organisms, meaning there was no ship in the recording and Rex’s general was half-naked and hunched over a kneeling Fives while an equally unclothed Hardcase stood close by.

It did look horribly suggestive taken out of context.

Which apparently was hilarious for Cody because the marshal commander was having the time of his life, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Rex wanted to hit him, but with Cody’s general seated so close, it was probably a terrible idea.

CC-1138 (Bacara): Wait, this is why you told us to hold off on the rescue?

CT-411 (Ponds): Where’s Rex?

CT-7567 (Rex): No, Bacara. Cody’s being an asshole. They’re attempting to fix our busted engine. I tried talking Anakin out of it, but he’s stubborn. Maybe give us another hour?

CC-3636 (Admin): Looks like one of Torrent Company is getting himself some DDDDDDDDDDDD&dnw3djklew2o__djeiowrwnfq

CC-5052 (Bly): You alright, Wolffe?

CC-3636 (Admin): Fine. Spilled some caf on my comm just now. I meant to say DICK.

“Harder, Echo,” Anakin was saying in the distance, “Kriff, it's stuck. Come on, pound it out.”

“Not my fault he keeps dishing out those golden one-liners,” Cody said, dodging out of the way when Rex tried to swipe his helmet. He glanced up into the tree. Qui-Gon had his eyes closed, his expression serene. Rex found soft unprotected skin beneath Cody’s armor and pinched hard. The commander of the 212th retaliated by putting Rex into a painful headlock.

“Yes, yes! Almost there!” Rex’s Jedi shouted, his voice cracking with excitement, “Keep going!”

Cody sent another recording. Rex gave up and flopped halfway onto the commander’s lap. He checked his comm.

CC-1159 (Monnk): Disturbing.

CC-2224 (Cody): Thank you.

CC-1138 (Bacara): Hey, Mo. Where are you?

CC-1159 (Monnk): Underwater. We’re fighting a giant octopus.

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Kark it, Wolffe. Give me my admin status back. All the spam in this group is interfering with your fellow commanders’ work.

CT-411 (Ponds): I want to fight an octopus.

CC-5052 (Bly): You can’t even swim. And you're deathly allergic to seafood. You almost died that time the Mon Calamari representative touched your hand. 

CT-411 (Ponds): Maybe octopi are different. 

CC-5052 (Bly): Don't get your hopes up, Puddles. 

CT-411 (Ponds): You never let me have fun, Bly.

CC-5052 (Bly): You should be thanking me and General Windu for keeping you alive with your mile-long list of allergies. 

CT-411 (Ponds): ...Thank you, Bly.

CC-3636 (Admin): Relax, vod. Monnk can handle himself.

CC-1159 (Monnk): Everything is good. Don’t worry, Fox.

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): I’m not worried.

CC-3636 (Admin): Aww, you’re embarrassing him.

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): Shut up, Wolffe.

**_CC-2224 (Cody) has uploaded HUD_Recording_220._ **

**[ ALERT]: CC-1010 (Foxy Mama) has flagged HUD_Recording_220 for inappropriate content.**

CC-2224 (Cody): Did you even watch it before you flagged my video, Fox?

CC-1010 (Foxy Mama): No.

CT-7567 (Rex): Please don’t watch it.

CC-1159 (Monnk): Too late.

CC-1138 (Bacara): How? You’re in the middle of battle. 

CC-1159 (Monnk): I’m good at multitasking. My eyes. They burn.

CC-3636 (Admin): Which moron is doing that thing with his pelvis in the recording?

CT-7567 (Rex): That would be Fives.

CC-1138 (Bacara): Yeah…I don’t think they’re going to fix that ship.

CT-7567 (Rex): I’m surrounded by idiots.

Rex glanced up in time to see sticky pink coolant explode from one of the compressor pods that Hardcase nicked by accident, drenching all five of them and putting an end to Torrent’s short career as ship mechanics. Anakin let out a cry of dismay as Fives lost his balance and slid off of the engine crotch-first into a horrified Tup, who toppled backwards onto the hot sand.

“General, don’t _lick_ the coolant!” Kix shrieked from his spot next to Boil and the 212th’s scary-looking medic.

"Why is it bitter? It was so pink and smelled so good!" Anakin gagged and wiped frantically at his mouth. Rex heaved a sigh from that deep place within his chest.

Cody patted him comfortingly on his blond head, “Ghost Company will take you if you ask for a transfer, vod”

“Yeah, I know,” Rex muttered, propping his chin on Cody’s knee as he watched the chaos unfold, “but then who’s going to keep an eye on those imbeciles?”

“You’re a noble man, CT-7567,” Cody told him solemnly, wiping a fake tear from under his visor. Rex rolled his eyes and pulled up the chat again.

CT-7567 (Rex): Send help, Bacara.

CC-1138 (Bacara): General Mundi says we’re ready when you are. ETA twenty minutes.

CT-7567 (Rex): Thank the Gods.

CC-1138 (Bacara): No, thank the 21st Nova Corps. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon used the Force to keep his boys cool. 
> 
> Rex is the youngest member in the chat.


	3. Hardcase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is a monumentally bad idea, Anakin,” said Rex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, enjoy more crack from the depth of my mind.

“This is a monumentally bad idea, Anakin,” said Rex.

It wasn’t even ‘General Skywalker’ anymore. They were past that point. He needed to hammer the 'bad idea' concept home now before it was too late.

“Oh, come on, Rex. Don’t be a stick in the mud,” Anakin said cheerfully.

 _Look son,_ he wanted to say with the hard tone he usually reserved for the more feral shinies in the 501st. Instead, Rex cleared his throat and composed himself, “Sir, this will likely result in a harassment charge against you.”

“Nonsense, Rex,” Skywalker dismissed with a wave.

“What even is that?” Wolffe asked, glancing up from his weapons manual, “looks like a tree of dicks.”

“It is a tree of dicks, Commander Wolffe, good eye,” Anakin beamed, hands falling to his hips. He looked like a proud mother standing next to that wretched abomination of nature. “Master Qui-Gon purchased it on Naboo a few days ago. According to the locals, it conveys romantic love.”

Rex glared up at his bunk mate, hoping Cody could physically feel the accusation in his eyes like tiny sharp daggers against his skin.

“To be clear, General Skywalker, he only got it because he thought it looked hilarious, not for the purposes of what you’re planning to do,” The marshal commander hurriedly clarified, his expression apologetic as he peered back down at Rex, “sorry, Rex’ika. I tried talking my general out of it.”

“You really need to take a seminar on persuasion skills, Codes,” Bly said from where his head was pillowed on Pond’s lower back while the other commander read through his daily dose of Coruscant news on the holonet.

“Too bad I don’t have the hips and cleavage for that, otherwise _you_ would never be able to say no to me,” Cody shot back with a smirk. Bly’s face colored immediately at the thinly veiled insinuation. His panicked gaze flickered to Anakin, but Rex’s Jedi was too busy admiring the gross Naboo plant to notice their little exchange about Bly’s feelings for his general.

“Who’s going to deliver it to the senator’s office?” Ponds asked the crucial question. Anakin swiveled to face Rex who immediately put up his hands, “I will shoot myself with a blaster.”

“Fine, I pick Dogma,” The Jedi said, huffing at his captain’s refusal to cooperate. “He always gets things done exactly the way I want them.”

“Isn’t he the super twitchy one that’s constantly on the edge of a meltdown?” Cody inquired.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Skywalker let out a long breath of air. He scratched at the side of his face and thought hard. Rex could almost see the single braincell in that thick head valiantly doing its best to keep up. “Maybe have Hardcase join him?”

Yup, the braincell just called it quits.

“Rex, message them to meet me here tomorrow morning,” Anakin said, beaming.

“The dick tree's not staying here tonight, right?” Wolffe asked with a concerned frown.

“It sure is,” Rex’s Jedi said, “I’m also staying.”

“Please no,” Rex hissed at him. Skywalker grinned, young and carefree and such a pain in Rex’s ass.

“It’ll be like a slumber party,” He said brightly, plopping down next to his horrified captain, “Just like that time on Cato Neimoidia.”

…which had been Rex’s personal hell.

Anakin was an extremely clingy sleeper, and he drooled on _everything._

“There’s an empty bed over there, sir,” Rex griped, struggling against the Jedi's weight.

“Monnk’s taking Gree’s spot later,” Ponds told him. Rex screwed his eyes shut and prayed to the Little Gods for mercy.

“Vod,” Cody’s head appeared over the edge of the top bunk. “You can come up and squeeze with me if you want.”

Rex almost cried in relief as he wriggled free of his overcrowded bed and climbed up to the marshal commander’s cot.

“I kinda feel like part of it is my fault,” Cody whispered to him once Bly dimmed the lights. Rex poked him hard in the ribs.

“All of it is your fault.”

“Hey, quit squirming,” Cody shot back, “if this thing collapses under our combined weight, Skywalker’s a goner.”

“That would solve so many of my problems,” Rex muttered, heaving a sigh. Cody’s silent laughter was a warm puff of air against his forehead. He threw an arm over Rex's shoulder.

They both fell asleep not long after that.

* * *

“Why am I the one carrying this thing?” Dogma wheezed, huffing as he crab-shuffled behind Hardcase. The massive flowering plant wobbled dangerously in his grip, the phallic-like flowers dancing cheerfully with each step. 

“Because the second you make eye-contact with one of the boys in red, you’re gonna give us away, Dog,” Hardcase replied, nodding at an administration staff member as the man walked past. “We just gotta act normal until we get to the senator’s office and deliver General Skywalker’s hideous gift. So keep your head high and walk with purpose.”

“Stop calling me Dog,” Dogma corrected, pausing to aim a glare at his fellow trooper. “Also, I can’t see where I’m going, Hardcase. Which floor are we on?”

“Fortieth?” Hardcase guessed, peering out of the transparent window and taking a bold guess according to their current elevation.

“Where’s the senator’s office?”

“Somewhere on the eightieth, I think.”

“You didn’t write it down?”

“It was a room number, Dogma. I feel like I can remember a single number.”

“Well, do you?”

Silence.

 _“You are garbage,”_ Dogma concluded. Hardcase didn’t think it was appropriate to challenge that designation at this time, so he graciously refrained from answering.

“Oh no,” He muttered when three members of the Coruscant Guards stepped out of a nearby lift, the commander in front swiveling just in time to spot the two of them awkwardly plastered against the wall and pretending to be invisible.

“What’s wrong?” Dogma panted.

“This is a restricted building,” The man in front said, moving toward them. His hand didn’t immediately go to his blasters, so Hardcase hazarded a guess that this was not the terrifying Commander Fox that Dogma religiously worshipped.

“State your business and CT numbers,” The commander said, turning to Dogma when he let out a squeak of panic, “what the hell is that?”

Hardcase had to think fast.

“Uh, it’s a gift,” He blurted out, “from General Skywalker. We’re members of the 501st Attack Battalion.”

“For?”

Hardcase wasn’t exactly sure what made him deviate from the script.

“Chancellor Palpatine,” He said.

“You can leave it with us. My men will bring it up to the Chancellor’s office,” The red commander said, “if that is all, you may now exit the building via the main lift.”

“Thank you, sir,” Hardcase said as the two shock troopers behind the commander liberated the plant from Dogma’s stiff arms. He was too frozen in horror to react beyond breathing and blinking. Hardcase watched them walk away before turning to his fellow teammate, “problem solved, Dog.”

“What have you done?” Dogma wheezed, turning those huge brown eyes on him. He looked like a puppy that had just been caught peeing on an expensive carpet.

Hardcase shrugged, “it’s not gonna be an issue. Just some random plant. The Chancellor probably has hundreds in his office. He’s not even going to notice. Not like General Skywalker’s going find out if we don’t say anything. Trust me, I’m never wrong, Dogma.”

“You’re always wrong. Even that statement you just uttered was wrong,” Dogma muttered unhappily, heaving a deep sigh, “Jango’s left testicle, I’m going to have to do it.”

Hardcase blinked at the vulgar language. “Do what?”

“Burn my face off and disappear.”

“Wait, you can do that?”

“Yes, I have an emergency disappear kit.”

“Who even are you, Dogma?”

“I’m fucking stressed, okay?” The shiny wailed, finally cracking. He sounded on the verge of tears. “You guys are kriffing nightmares.”

“Including me?” Hardcase feigned hurt.

“Yes, you,” Dogma growled, poking him with an irritated finger, “you’re the worst of them all. You and Fives.”

“Wow, vod, you really don’t pull your punches.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Hardcase, Dogma?” A pleasant voice called out from behind. They whirled around to find the senator they were supposed to track down standing behind them in sapphire blue robes, a stack of datapads under one arm.

“Hi, senator,” Hardcase returned with a huge grin. He adored the new Naboo senator. Kenobi was super nice to the clone troopers and often brought snacks for them on diplomatic missions. He also gave superb hugs.

“Hello, boys. I didn’t know your company was on Coruscant.”

“Oh, yeah,” Hardcase nodded, “We just got back for a short stop. Leaving in a few days.”

“Dogma, are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked, concern coloring his voice, “you look a bit pale.”

“I’m fine,” Dogma squeaked, blushing bright red under the sudden attention.

“Well, I am about to take a tea break,” The senator said, “would you two like to join me in my office?”

“Sure,” Hardcase agreed quickly, dragging Dogma after him when Obi-Wan gestured for them to follow him into the lift.

The senator’s office was indeed on the eightieth floor, but Hardcase had been wildly off about which room number. Kenobi pushed open the heavyset doors to reveal a simple elegant setup. There was plenty of open space and pale ivory furniture. There was also someone else already in the room.

“Oh Gods,” Dogma croaked when the head honcho of the Coruscant Guards glanced up and spotted them.

“Commander Fox, look who I found wandering the halls of the senate building,” Obi-Wan said cheerfully, “I hope you don’t mind that I asked the boys to join our tea break today.”

“No, not at all, Senator,” The cold flat voice from under the mostly red helmet suggested that Commander Fox did in fact mind. He minded very much.

“Dogma, Hardcase, meet Commander Fox,” The senator introduced.

“What were you doing in the senate building, trooper?” Fox asked, zeroing in on Dogma who was trembling like a leaf next to Hardcase.

Kenobi shushed him. “You are off-duty, Fox. Please relax.”

He beckoned invitingly at the two. Hardcase shrugged and went.

* * *

Rex had never been inside the senate building, let alone the Chancellor’s office. But here he was, bucket under one arm and standing next to his general. It was a massive space, with open windows and numerous expensive artifacts dotting the shelves. Fox stood at parade rest beside the Chancellor’s tall chair. His posture gave no clues as to the nature of the meeting. Palpatine’s expression, on the other hand, seemed a bit uncomfortable.

“Anakin,” He began gravely, clenched his teeth and corrected, “General Skywalker. Captain Rex, I see that you are confused as to why I called you here. I felt it more appropriate for there to be others present for this conversation.”

Palpatine steepled his long, bony fingers and continued, “General Skywalker, I cannot accept your…proposal. I am a married man, and you are inappropriately young, not to mention a Jedi Knight. I must apologize if our private conversations might have led you to believe that I harbored certain feelings for you. I assure you that I do not.”

Rex felt a curious rushing noise in his ears. He could still hear the words coming out of the Chancellor’s moving mouth, but his brain had stopped comprehending them. Fox shifted minutely beside Palpatine, no doubt feeling the same disorientation.

“...I must be clear, general. There cannot be anything between us,” The Chancellor said seriously, “perhaps we should press pause to our meetings until further notice. And schedule them in a more public setting…”

Anakin’s mouth flapped a few times, but nothing came out.

“That will be all. Commander Fox, please escort them out,” Palpatine murmured, massaging his left temple with a tired grimace, “Thank you.”

A few moments later, the doors to the lift sealed shut on Fox and left Rex alone with his general. They stood in traumatized silence for a while.

“What just happened?” Anakin finally asked.

“I honestly don’t know, sir," Rex pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, “Let's never speak of this encounter ever again." 

Somewhere on Coruscant, Hardcase sneezed.

He rubbed his itchy face, shrugged, and carried on demolishing the pile of delicious Naboo sweets that Senator Kenobi had sent them out of his office with two days ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was Thire they met in the senate building. 
> 
> Hardcase is absolutely chaotic and gives zero fucks.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more commando chats, so subscribe for updates.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [An Impending Doom](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25984705) by [BeanieBaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeanieBaby/pseuds/BeanieBaby)




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